Let me get the ball rolling with a question.
Do you recognise any of the following symptoms: Impatience, irritability, raised voice, glaring eyes, hurtful words, explosive actions, an attitude of superiority, tension from anger, increased heart rate, arguing, or cutting off communications?
These are all evidence of anger. What is this problem costing our nation, organisations and families?
The problem of anger
All unresolved anger is a time bomb. You, therefore, have to resolve it and help others do the same. During team building sessions, I have often asked the following questions.
- Why do we have this problem?
- What are the major concerns facing our team right now?
- Are you playing your rightful role and delivering on your promises?
- What are our major conflict areas?
Effect on our families
All parents will raise their voices from time to time, no matter how calm they are, but losing your cool, calling your kid names, swearing, or lashing out aggressively will harm them. They will be more likely to develop anxiety or depression and experience behavioural problems. Pay attention to your triggers, give warnings, take a personal timeout, and apologise if you have lost your temper. All these will help foster a safe and happy environment for your child.
Treat others as you want to be treated.
This rule has existed since the beginning of time, yet can be difficult to apply to your situation. Desiring revenge, succumbing to the temptation to spread rumours, and using offensive language are just some of the pitfalls.
Set boundary lines.
Boundaries are established limits—lines not to be crossed. When a boundary is overstepped, the result is a repercussion, but when a boundary is honoured, the result is a reward. Boundaries say what we are willing to accommodate and what we will not endure, what we feel and what we do not feel.
It is important to distinguish the different areas in which we should set boundaries, then proceed to apply those boundaries on a Mental, Emotional, Material, Internal, Conversational, Physical, and Time-wise level.
Let’s be practical and apply the word “BOUNDARIES” to terms of character qualities:
B – Boldness: The confidence that what I have to say or do, is true, right, and just.
O – being Obedient and doing things Orderly.
U – Understanding the deeper reasons why things happen.
N – Nurturing your relationships.
D – Decisiveness: The ability to recognise key factors and finalise difficult decisions.
A – Alertness: Being aware of what is taking place around me so that I can have the right responses.
R – Responsibility: Knowing and doing what is expected of me.
I – Initiative: Recognising and doing what needs to be done before being asked to do it.
E – Endurance: The inner strength to withstand stress and do my best.
S – Self-Control and Sensitivity: Using my senses to perceive the true attitudes and emotions of others.
Now rate yourself from 0‒10 for each character quality, with 10 meaning that you are exceptional and consistently exceeding expectations in terms of that quality.
Using the 10-step B.O.U.N.D.A.R.I.E.S Technique can improve teamwork and output at work in a big way. Managers and teams can work well and thrive in a supportive and respectful environment by establishing clear boundaries and fostering open communication. Remember to support autonomy, active listening, and healthy boundaries between work and life.
Dr. Mario Denton, CEO of Strong Message Business Consultancy and True Africa Leadership, wrote this blog for us this month. Dr. Denton is an international influential psychologist and teacher. He employs his uniquely effective coaching style to assist people in tapping into their inner being in order to maximise their strengths, improve their skills, and make a difference in the workplace.